"Poor communication skills can
condemn you to a life of mediocrity and
frustration. Good communication skills
can unlock your dreams of success."
Dr. Robert A. Tracz

  

RESOLVE CONFLICTS WITHOUT EMOTIONAL INJURY

When I first was married my wife said that to avoid an argument all I had to say was, "Yes dear." "You're right dear." or "How could I have been so foolish dear."

I thought she was joking. Apparently she wasn't.

One thing is certain. In every relationship conflict is unavoidable. Not handled properly, unresolved conflicts fester and erode away at the relationship.

Here's what to do:

1. Take a breather!
Because of the heightened emotions you need a time out. It is difficult to think clearly so you both need to go for a walk and collect your thoughts before speaking. Explain why you need the time out and arrange to discuss it at some specific time in the future.

2. Communication is essential.
James 1:19… "But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger." Begin your communication with the mindset of listening and understanding one another. Learn to clear your minds so you can listen for understanding. Listen for each other's feelings and the reasons behind them. Ask questions such as, "How do you mean?" or "Tell me about that?" to clarify your understanding and to make the other person feel understood. Repeat what you've heard and paraphrase what you've understood. Listen for the unspoken needs and help each other express those things that are difficult to put into words.

3. Create a winning solution.
Use what Steven Covey calls synergy. Brainstorm ideas to come with ones you might not of thought of on your own. Put things in writing by creating "pros and cons" or "can and can't do" lists. This will help to curb those emotions.

4. Seek forgiveness
Don't go to bed angry. Be quick to say you're sorry. Admit your part in the problem and ask for forgiveness. Discuss how to avoid this in the future and what you both did to successfully resolve this time. Discuss how you could do it better next time.

5. Agree to disagree.
Don't burn your bridges or say things you will later regret if can't resolve it yourself. Seek the help of professional counsel or a neutral third party.

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS... try "Yes dear." "You're right dear." or "How could I have been so foolish dear."