You'd think I'd know better.
This week a friend explained a problem she was having with a colleague at work. Being the communication "expert" I patiently listened to her situation and when she had finished said, "Here's what you do…"
To my surprise she replied, "What makes you think I want to do anything about it? Did you stop to think that maybe I just wanted to vent to someone who would listen to me?
Touché.
Improved listening will improve a relationship and the bottom line. The most valuable gift you can give someone is to listen to him or her, really listen to him or her. It builds trust, respect and cooperation. It reduces misunderstanding and helps get the job done right the first time.
Here's How:
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Stop what you're doing
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Look at the person and be aware of the nonverbal language... Tone? Gestures? Facial expressions…
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Ask short clarifying questions such as "Tell me more. Go on. How do you feel about that? Then what?"
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Use encouraging verbalizations such as "I see. Oh. And Uh-Huh."
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Listen for and name the feelings you think you hear the person expressing, "That frustrated you, didn't it? You seem really happy about that!" And, don't try to downplay, deny or discount how the person feels.
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Focus on solutions by asking problem-solving phrases such as, "What do you wish you could do? What do you want to happen? What do you think will happen if you do that?" And, don't feel that you must advise or solve the problem… just listen.
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Don't get into a power struggle or argue… acknowledge your understanding of the person's position while maintaining yours.
