Emotional Control
Can you reason with someone under the influence of alcohol? Why not? Because they're not reasonable - that's why.
Lack of emotional control is like being under the influence of alcohol… it clouds your judgment and removes your objectivity. It makes you unreasonable as well.
Hot words never result in cool judgment. The fire department doesn't fight fire with fire it uses water to minimize the damage.
Don't get me wrong - emotions are a normal and part of life and you can't control what happens to you but you must control how you react to it. Control is the key.
Every emotion is normal and you must act logically despite them.
Strong emotions directed inward become our fears and directed outward become anger. Courage isn't the lack of fear it's acting despite out fear and effective behavior isn't the lack of anger it's acting appropriately despite the anger.
If you speak without emotional control, you'll make the best speech you'll come to regret. Beliefs create thoughts; thoughts create feelings; feelings create emotions. The key to emotional control is to control your thoughts because if you control your thoughts you will control your fear and anger.
Since we can have only 5-9 conscious thoughts we must flood out all our negative thoughts using a positive affirmation, repeated at least ten times.
You have four choices when you feel fear or anger:
· Retaliate
· Dominate
· Isolate
· Collaborate.
In order to control your emotions you need awareness, a positive intention and determination to curb your emotion with logic.
When your emotions are strong you need to center yourself.
1. Increase your awareness by recording every time and thing that created your fear or anger. You could use a journal or simply mark it on a calendar.
2. STOP your negative thoughts …
a. Develop an anchor, clenched thumb/forefinger & visualize a stop sign.
b. Repeat as necessary
c. Breathe regularly
3. Tune into the true cause
a. Listen to them
b. Listen to yourself
c. Analyze… record the pros & cons to use the logical part of your brain
4. Decide on your course of action
a. Does it serve or hurt you?
b. What's the worst that can happen and can you live with it?
c. Ask yourself:
i. Is it trivial?
ii. Is it persistent?
iii. Is it intentional
iv. Are there extenuating circumstances?
v. Is this the best time?
vi. Can it be changed and is this the person to change it?
vii. Will I win the battle and lose the war?
5. If you decide to act:
a. Request what you want (not what you don't want)
b. Anticipate & state their objections
c. Voice your fears
d. Prepare to negotiate
e. Use "we" language
Don't get hooked into your old behavior patterns. Choose how you will act in advance of your strategy.
